Tips for Parenting In 2019: How Are Other Parents Doing It?
One of the most valuable, honorable and rewarding aspects in life is becoming a parent. More and more people are becoming parents, and most new parents are under thirty years old. In being so young, new parents are constantly seeking help and advice from a number of sources. This advice can come from a plethora of places; books, friendly advice, social media, even television. While most of this advice can be helpful, not all of it is, therefore, you need to do a great job of deciphering what kind of information is relevant or not.
Most of the time, parenting styles are passed down through the family – the manner in which we were raised usually stands as the way we intend to raise our children. Similarly, very rarely do new parents feel their parents did anything wrong in the way they were raised. As our children are being raised and questions arise, excuses can often be made. “My parents used to do this to me and I turned out okay”- I’m sure we’ve all heard this before and it happens to be the most popular statement made pertaining to our upbringing. As much as we want to emulate our parents, there’s always a way to improve something, even parenting. Even as well as we were raised, there are always new ways to do it better.
If you are a new parent not seeking parenting advice, it’s very likely that someone has attempted to correct your parenting style. The truth is, nobody really knows how to raise their kids; most new parents discover it as they go. It’s clear there’s no one way to raise your kids, however, it can be an interesting experiment to try your hand at different methods to sharpen your parenting skills.
One new approach that’s garnering more and more attention is the love and logic approach. In theory, the approach can seem rather counterintuitive – most parents are parenting with love and logic, so what makes this approach any different?
In this article, we’ll discuss the “parenting with love and logic approach” and how it differs from other parenting skills. The goal here is not to criticize your parenting style, but to simply provide an alternative which might suit you and your family better.
Firstly, let’s explain what this approach entails. Developed by Jim Fray and Foster W. Cline, the philosophy stands to encourage parents to give their children agency by making them accountable for their own actions. This is something children learn later on in life, but instilling this sensibility early will benefit them greatly.
Parents are encouraged to allow their children to correct their mistakes on their own and take responsibility for their actions. For instance, if a child breaks their toy, oftentimes, their bad behavior is met with disciplinary action. Fray and Cline believe this only creates a greater rift between the child and parent, rather than bringing them closer together.
Instead, the approach states parents should talk with their child, explain how the child is responsible for their toys and also express how it’s the child’s responsibility to not only care for their property but to also purchase a replacement if that’s the best solution to the problem. Thus, the ownness is placed on the child, therefore, the child must create a solution by themselves.
Fray and Cline understand as children, after having everything completed for them, our children can meet responsibility with conflict. To combat these feelings, the parents are encouraged to meet their anger or frustration with love, saying things like, “I still love you”. By doing so, you make it increasingly difficult for your child to find fault in you.
In declaring endless love, you are exonerating yourself from any personal blame and instead, you are placing greater emphasis on the child and their actions.
The philosophy, therefore, encourages children to see their parents in a good light, rather than an obstacle. Understanding that their parents provide nothing but love lessens the feelings of animosity towards the parent(s) in the event of crises; furthermore, it also changes the perspective on the role of the parent(s) from disciplinarian to caregiver.
In making it hard to place the blame on someone else, the child has no choice but to blame themselves. The approach also instills a greater sense of independence, as in order to find a solution, the child is forced to accept their mistakes and practice agency to find a solution. In the example of the broken toy, the child may accept they need to fix the toy themselves or save up money to buy a replacement.
These approaches were created to encapsulate a variety of situations and variables. As a result, one can be used by itself. This is helpful because you will get a vivid depiction of whether the technique works or not. Please consider an adjustment period must be overcome before results are clear.
Parenting with one of these techniques may open your eyes up to new systems and strategies you can use to provide greater value to your children.
As I stated previously, there’s no one single way to parent our children. A great parenting technique may require the implementation of different techniques. One technique might be more appropriate for the situation compared to another.
Books do a great job of explaining the information, yet there are a number of tremendous shows out there that do a fantastic job of putting the context into practice. These shows are great because you get a visual representation of the technique and gain insight from the experts that developed them. From an informed standpoint, you can make a definitive stance on whether a technique will benefit you and your family or not.
Parenting isn’t easy, but it’s important to educate yourself with the best techniques and tools possible. Each technique will provide a different perspective but hopefully, by utilizing the love and logic into your everyday life, you will move towards a methodology that works for you and your family.